Most Personally Influential Books Read in 40 Years

For my 40th birthday, among other things, my wonderful and thoughtful wife had me choose the 15 books (I love books) that I would most readily recommend and that were the most personally influential to me. Then she had me describe them in brief, cryptic, intriguing ways, and we gave friends and family who we celebrated my birthday with the opportunity to take home the book of their choice among these 15. They were to choose based on the descriptions alone (and guess if they so desired). I thought my blog would be a good place to include all the descriptions of these books, because they were and are more influential and forming to my life than I probably even realize. In order as pictured above from left to right:

THE BIBLE

The link from this life to the life to come!

FREE AT LAST? THE GOSPEL IN AFRICAN-AMERICAN EXPERIENCE

An enduring exhortation to remember true north in the context of the most controversial issue of our time.

MERE CHRISTIANITY

An apologetic of the Christian faith that you can't refuse, and it talks about sex.

THROUGH GATES OF SPLENDOR

A transforming and supernatural story that starts with brutal death.

DEATH BY LIVING

Honest and humorous reflections in light of each of our impending demise.

EVERY GOOD ENDEAVOR

An answer to one of the most perplexing and seemingly hopeless questions to ever be posed, related to our earthly efforts and our every waking moment.

STEAL AWAY HOME

A compelling account of the priority and possibilities of uncommon and authentic friendship through the joyful hardships of life.

LORD OF THE RINGS

One fantasy story to rule them all!

DESIRING GOD

A theological masterpiece likening true spirituality to the most pleasurable experience imaginable.

THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER

A story of espionage, shifting alliances, and brinkmanship that is so cool it can spark a lifetime desire for reading.

ABIDE IN CHRIST

A guide to how to follow the most important command from the most important book about the most important person.

ORTHODOXY

A demonstration of wit sure to woo you towards the only logical explanation for the meaning of the universe.

THE CROSS OF CHRIST

A triumphant celebration of the implications of the pivotal event of human history.

RICH CHRISTIANS IN AN AGE OF HUNGER

A survey of the reality of things in a broken world so devastating you can't look away.

PAUL

An historical fictional narrative tracing the journeys and sufferings of a murderer turned influencer who set the foundation for a message of hope to reach the ends of the earth.

Kobe, Race, Work, Eternity

I felt weird on Monday morning. The kind of weird when you go to the dentist, and as they hook you up on laughing gas (that’s another story), they ask you if you’d like the channel on the TV changed away from The Today Show (my dentist is actually pretty cool), and you say yes, to ESPN. “It’s a somber day in the sports world,” I lament, referencing the tragic passing of Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gianna, and 7 others, who if I have time I will mention again before this is over. As the appointment goes on, the hygienist references the TV memorial I am watching on Kobe, as well as the conditions of my teeth and gums (which is another story), almost interchangeably, to the point I am not sure if she is referencing the accident with Kobe or the condition of my teeth. “That’s so eerie,” she says. That kind of weird.

Well anyway, I had some things to say. Four things in fact. Whether they are naturally connected is not guaranteed. As my mind cleared from the gas (I am partly being facetious, as it doesn’t disorient you like that), I felt like they were. Ultimately, I am going to put that burden on you, the reader. Either they are connected, or they aren’t. If they are, I hope that is inspiring and helpful on some level. If they aren’t, I don’t think that makes each irrelevant on its own.

KOBE

First, Kobe. It is no exaggeration to say that his passing is one of the most, if not the most, wide-reaching losses of a pop culture figure of my lifetime. That is to say, the grieving process for those of us who never met him, is complicated. I can only imagine the complexity, depth, and pain of the grieving process for family and friends who knew him well. Similarly, I can only imagine the complexity, depth, and pain of the grieving process for anyone who loses someone “too soon”. Death is horrible. The deepest parts of our being rage against it, because it is unnatural. It is the “human portion”, as theologians would say, but that does not mean it is a portion we chose or that we like or, and thankfully, it is not our ultimate portion. But I am getting ahead of myself.

The death of Kobe Bryant makes me want to follow sports more closely. As a Christian, whose identity is in Christ, and whose priority is first and foremost about glorifying God and serving others, I know that sports can be an idol and an unhelpful distraction to a godly, or virtuous life. However, sports are also a blessing from God and a lot of fun. I am more of a college basketball fan than an NBA fan, but all of this makes me want to know Kobe better, as a basketball player, and a person (even at risk of discovering the blemishes), and the game he loved. That might mean watching and following more sports than I have in the last few years. I think that is ok. I think there are layers in athletics, and athletes especially, that are unexplored from a Christian worldview perspective. I think there are observations to be made and rejoicing to be had in the nature of the games we watch and the players we love, that could yet glorify God more and love and serve others better. His sudden passing has left that legacy for me.

Basketball, specifically, and Kobe Bryant’s career as one of the best players in history, has a lot to ponder within it. Here we have issues of God’s design and creativity and emotion and work ethic and joy and disappointment and stewardship and courage and endurance and much much more. Basketball is the context for real Christian life application. That is awesome! Whether or not Kobe saw it that way (I hope he did!), is not really my point. I can watch memorials on Kobe and weep with those who weep and celebrate that his impact and legacy, even if not “Christian”, was very meaningful and will endure for the common good.

RACE

Second, race. Bear with me. I will be brief and leave a can of worms open on the table for maybe another time. People of color, specifically African-Americans, experience emotion differently than me, a white man, so I have been told and now consider truth. That is, when a person of color is, say, killed in a violent police shooting (commence opening of the can), whereas my instinct might be to ask about the facts of the case, to know what “actually happened”, a person of color might immediately experience emotion and loss, even if they didn’t know personally the individual killed, and even if the “facts of the case” end up contradicting what was originally reported. This makes total sense when you think about it. A person who has been stopped by police for no reason and felt unsafe as a result, will experience emotion differently than me - who has never even been looked at suspiciously - at the news of a black kid who was wrongly shot and killed in an altercation. I would not feel a communal connection to someone who has had this experience and it ended up very badly, but someone else who has will feel a connection, more so if their overall cultural experience is the same. This does not mean I am heartless, just different. And differences are important.

Similarly, when a black man who also happened to be one of the greatest basketball players in history and who was a role model for millions, maybe especially for young black boys who dream of playing basketball professionally despite their humble circumstances, tragically dies in a helicopter accident, it hurts for those young black boys uniquely. Or, even more tragically (and hitting close to home as the father of a brown-skinned girl), when a teenage black girl, who by all accounts was on her way to her own stardom and who I’m sure was already an example of the potential and possibilities for young girls across the country, even more so young girls of color, is also killed on the way to a Sunday game, there is a hurt for people who saw in her something I did not. Namely, shared culture and experience. This is of course true no matter the ethnicity and culture. The point here is that the “African-American” community has a unique way of grieving in these circumstances, in large part because of an unjust history, and even though I may not share it, I want to try to understand. At the very least I want to acknowledge that there is a difference and the different experience and grieving process is important. I think Kobe’s death has further reinforced this desire for empathy and commitment to lament well in my life. I hope that makes sense and gives you something to think about.

WORK

Third, work. My favorite topic! When I say “work”, I mean biblical labor, or toil, and what I mean by that is: God-driven effort for the lasting good of others. That is my own definition, and it has taken me more than a decade to condense it to that, so every word has purpose and meaning. This is kind of my heartbeat, so I have a lot I could say, but for the purpose of this post I had said I have only four things to say, and this is only of them, so I will try to say only one thing about it. I have been intrigued hearing about Kobe’s work ethic as people remember him; the “Mamba Mentality”, which if I understand it correctly, means a determination to precision, discipline, and endurance that was a formula to lasting success, on the court and off. I have heard many say he was tirelessly dedicated to “perfecting his craft”, and that he did. Craft is one of my favorite words. I think it can be rightly used to describe the kind of work or labor I am talking about, and the kind the Bible talks about. What I want to say about it here is that if Kobe’s legacy, at least in part, is to work tirelessly to perfect your craft, whatever that is for us, and to do so with endurance, skill, and precision, I think that is an enormous legacy. For basketball players or factory workers or homemakers or moms or dads or friends. I don’t have time here to combat the criticisms that such a legacy for the Christian is insufficient and secular at best, or idolatry at worst. Or that basketball doesn’t have the same significance as other professions or service to others. Or that Kobe had other issues so his legacy, even in wholesome areas, is tainted.

More and more I’ve felt that conservative Christians, like me, can become too worried about progressive or secular or imperfect thinking and examples that we miss the forest for the trees. In the case of Kobe, excellence in his work is a beautiful example for us as we work in our own callings, no matter the source of his desire for excellence (whether self-driven, or God-driven, back to my original definition of work). I know, and I sincerely hope Kobe knew before the end, that the source is God, whether we believe it or not. All our effort is God-driven, whether it is raw talent or physical discipline or mental stamina, God is the source because he is the creator. Don’t you see? Kobe demonstrated what we should as well. There is a Christian version of the mamba mentality and it is the meaning of our life: “Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain” (the Apostle Paul in the First Epistle to the Corinthians). God, through common grace at the very least, has used and I think will continue to use the legacy of Kobe Bryant to help me (and you!) work heartily onto the Lord, for the lasting good of others. The fact that I will apply additional biblical truth to that to be faithful to Scripture, honoring to my Lord, and loving to others, takes nothing away from Kobe’s legacy for me.

ETERNITY

Finally, eternity. In light of such a seemingly random and sudden tragedy, there have rightly been many reminders and exhortations to “measure our days”, “hug someone you love”, or “don’t take for granted the fragility of life”. Allow me to add a few:

“For man does not know his time. Like fish that are taken in an evil net, and like birds that are caught in a snare, so the children of man are snared at an evil time, when it suddenly falls upon them.” – Ecclesiastes 9:12

What is one reason evil exists? Because we don’t have a biblical understanding of time, that is, of eternity. The evil time is because us sinful people live this life as if it is all there is, which is bound to lead to selfishness and likewise disaster. I don’t mean to apply this directly to the helicopter crash. I mean to point out the obvious truth of history that we are sinners and sin leads to disaster.

“For a thousand years in your sight are but as yesterday when it is past, or as a watch in the night. You sweep them away as with a flood; they are like a dream, like grass that is renewed in the morning: in the morning it flourishes and is renewed; in the evening it fades and withers.” – Psalm 90:5-6

In eternity, this tragedy, and hundreds of others we didn’t hear about on the news over the weekend, will be swept away as with a flood. That is not to say they won’t matter and are rendered insignificant; far from it! But they will be gone. That should be immensely encouraging. No more tears in that day.

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?” – John 14:1-2

I’ll close coming back to the others lost in that helicopter crash. John, Keri, and Alyssa Altobelli. Christian Mauser. Sarah and Payton Chester. Ara Zobayan. My goodness how my heart breaks for those left behind who loved these people so, and my heart longs for them to know the mysterious reality of how to grieve with hope.

The thing about eternity is that the very reality of it, for me at least, takes the burden away from explaining or understand events in this “evil time”. For some, thinking about the lack of time and a state lasting into infinity is terrifying. Not for me. It redeems all that has been lost. In Christ, and with Christ, our best days are always in front of us. 

In the meantime, how long O Lord? How long will shocking loss create unfathomable relational separation from loved ones? How long will a family of 5 experience the crushing loss of father, mother, and daughter/sister in a single moment? How long, will a family of 6 experience the tearing loss father/husband and daughter/sister in the same moment? How long will our culture experience the loss of those who at least tried to represent the best of your creation in their work and skill? Thank you, Lord Jesus, that no matter how long, that you are not slow in fulfilling your promise, as some count slowness, but are patient, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance. Even still, come quickly! Bring to fruition the inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, and give us the diligence to be found without spot or blemish, and at peace.

Time to Pay Attention

Time is flying!

Let me back up. I started this post with a cliché, and a nonsensical one at that. I am sorry. I can do better. Time is not an object, and therefore cannot “fly”. It would make more sense if I said, “this computer is flying.” That would make more sense not because this computer is currently capable of levitating, but because in our imaginations we could picture a computer literally fluttering through the air. On its own, you see. Pigs flying makes perfect sense. Not because pigs fly but because pigs most certainly could fly if someone fashioned some fancy technology alongside their pathetic little tails. But time is not an object. To say time is flying would be like saying “physics is flying”. Um, no. Physics is a concept, a way to explain the universe. It and time are certainly doing a lot of things, whether real or imagined (think time travel). But not flying, and such a sentence is not even coherent.  

But my goodness, I digress. What I am trying to get you thinking about is the fascinating concept that we know of as time. It is my word for the year. What time is it? I have been attempting to answer that question for myself this year, not with an arbitrary accounting for where and when we are in the universe, but with a focus, courage, and humility to live in the moment and love, serve, think, and act in such a way that might, God willing, bring more hope and more Jesus to bear in our crazy world. As the “teacher” says in Ecclesiastes, “for everything there is a season, and a time for every manner under heaven.” If time is not an infinite concept – that is to say, if it was “created” by one who is not subject to its limitations – but is still a concept within our reality, than the way we think about it and act according to it is very important. And quite challenging. We say things like “time is flying by” or “where did the time go?”, and the angelic beings of heaven look at us as if we have two heads. As it happens, it is they who may themselves have two(or more) heads, but that is neither here nor there. They are right to think us crazy for such comments. Somewhere amid ignoring time, wasting time, “maximizing” time, and obsessing over time is the godly Christian life.

The Bible says, “make the best use of the time, for the days are evil.” That is true and helpful on one level, yet on its own it is out of context and a bit strange. Time cannot be “used” if it does not ultimately exist. The entire context in this passage in Ephesians 5 says, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” Seems to me that “look carefully how you walk”, and “do not be foolish”, and “understand what the will of the Lord is”, are more practical and actionable imperatives than “make the best use of the time”. I could spend a mortal life trying to figure out what that is supposed to mean and, in the process, forget to watch my step and fall headlong into a puddle like some fool, thinking in God’s sovereignty that is what was meant to happen. Pity that would be.

Rather, so far this year I have discovered two main components of what I think is a start to a biblical understanding and application of time. I learn the most when I read, and in this case, I am partly regurgitating a combination of ideas from multiple books that until now were mashed painfully together within my head. Not literally, you see. I am using reading as a metaphor for eating, and the brain functioning as the stomach wait now that I try to explain it I realize the regurgitating verb ruins the entire metaphor in a somewhat graphic way. Sorry for the run-on sentence.  

This post is about the first of these two components: pay attention.

In the book of Jeremiah chapter 6 and verse 16 it says, “Thus says the LORD: ‘Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it; and find rest for your souls.’

In his book Recapturing the Wonder, Mike Cosper says about this verse, “It’s a call to stillness – to stand rather than continue our aimless wandering, to resist the momentum of our chaotic world and look, think, consider where we’re going and why. Hannah Arendt once wrote that we need to ‘think what we’re doing,’ saying that the problem of our modern age is thoughtlessness. We live busy lives, and our thoughtlessness allows us to continue to be carried along in the currents of an unreflective culture.”

Stop. Look. Think. This is what it means to pay attention. The result is rest for your soul!

STOP

What I see from this verse in Jeremiah is simply to stop; during a walk, driving a car, typing an email, even having a conversation (though be conscious of social cues). In order to pay attention to something or someone there must be a break for thought and reflection. Sleep is an unconscious break. We need periodic conscious breaks.

Stop scrolling. For just a bloody second. What are some things you have just seen? Does it make you sad, confused, excited, anxious, jealous? Marinate on that a bit. I check my email more times a day than I pray. That is wretched sin and in repentance I resolve to stop and change with the Lord’s help.

Stop working. For just a minute. How is it going? Are you working on the right things? Do you need help? Do you need a drink of water for goodness sake? Often I get frustrated at work when I have to go to the bathroom or when it is lunchtime, because I can’t “afford” to take a break and dread restarting what I was doing. I am hopelessly depraved and need Jesus to help me stop.

Stop multi-tasking. Matt Perman says, “Multi-tasking seems like a way to save time but actually costs more time and is, in fact, impossible. It is inefficient because it makes both tasks take longer.” I find myself creating distractions that aren’t necessary or important, and I can do so at the expense of ignoring quality time with my wife or daughter or co-workers. Do I really have to pick up that toy on the floor that I falsely perceive as a trip hazard on the way to getting the remote to change the channel, and in the process miss an adorable smile and giggle from my daughter? No. Do I really have to fill up my cup at the water cooler at the same time I am loading the Keurig and at the same time I am washing my coffee mug from the day before, and in the process not have the mental capacity to say hi to my co-worker who comes in the breakroom to get an apple from the refrigerator? No. I need to stop and pay attention.

Stop worrying. As Newt Scamander says, all worrying does is make you suffer twice. My wife graciously helped me see this year that I stress out about things that aren’t even a big deal. And with things that are, what is the point? We are born into trouble; worrying doesn’t change that!

LOOK

Why is it that when people say “don’t look now, but…” we always look? Yet when someone says “look at that…” we often act like we are looking but really aren’t? What is wrong with us?

Do you know that none of us were saved by Jesus who didn’t stop and look to Him? If we never saw Jesus by looking to Him we never received his saving grace. How could we have? Isaiah 45:22 (KJV) says, “Look unto me, and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth: for I am God, and there is none else.” The famous Charles Spurgeon heard and obeyed this verse and was saved. He once said, “I looked and I looked until I almost looked my eyes away.”

Look at the created order. Cosper, referring to God’s answer to Job and his friends during Job’s suffering, says, “God doesn’t respond to Job’s misery with explanations or dismissive comments. Instead, he calls Job’s attention to the confusing wonder of the world we live in. He leads Job from the mystery of his suffering to the mysteries of creation, from puzzle to puzzle, from wonder to wonder. And as Chesterton puts it, ‘The secret of God is a bright and not a sad one.’ In the skipping of mountain goats, the thunder of snow, and the crashing of oceans, there’s a wink and smile, a God who is joyful and even playful in the midst of the madness. While we may not be able to comprehend it, there is – at least to God – sensibility and an order. The universe is a Cosmos after all, and Chesterton tells us its maker has a smile and a sense of humor, even as he reminds us of our smallness in its midst. He calls our attention from the midst of sorrows to the broader world where sorrows are one mystery among many.”

Look at the people around you. What are they thinking? What are their longings? How can you pray for or help them? Don’t just people watch but look at them. Don’t stare but look purposefully.

Look includes listening well. I was recently introduced to the concept of agile listening, and it was a breakthrough. True listening is not just trying harder and harder to hear and understand what someone is saying. It is strengthening new muscles to listen in different and more effective ways. Like reading, or writing, or typing, or grocery shopping, or really anything else – it is working smarter rather than harder. It is not doing the same thing multiple times or with more effort each time expecting it to improve but doing it differently so that it will improve. Robert Greenleaf, who is known for coining the term “servant leadership”, or at least making it popular in our era, once said that good listening means that “the automatic response to any problem is to listen first.” He goes on to quote St. Francis who famously prayed, “Grant that I may not seek so much to be understood as to understand.” Look by listening like that. I am writing to myself here.

Again I say, look to Him. A friend said this simple phrase to me recently as an encouragement and for accountability. It is so powerful and effective! Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall SEE God! Look to Him who can save and give eternal rest for your soul. Look to Him who is saving you and can keep you and present you blameless and with great joy to the Father who is mighty to be praised. Look!

THINK

In college during fraternity pledgeship I was forced in an “instruction session” (intentionally vague for legal reasons) to mimic The Thinking Man because I was so quiet. Thankfully I was clothed, unlike the famous sculpture. Bear with me as I digress again and attempt to make a point.

I thought for a while that my quietness was a bad thing and even something to be embarrassed by. Now I believe God has blessed me in such a way that an important part of the Christian life comes naturally to me. That is, thinking. That is, intentional reflection on the realities and events of life, using the Bible to frame and inform my thoughts (as opposed to using my thoughts to inform the Bible). Yes, it is true, I overthink often and there are serious downsides to this tendency (I’m working on it). Yet, I am thankful to be gifted in such a way by my Lord to have something to offer here, specifically as it involves a biblical perspective of time and the value of paying attention in the form of thinking. Here are some things I have learned:

Think purely. I used to think the biblical command to “take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ” meant only to dismiss impure thoughts and replace them with pure thoughts. It does mean that, kind of. It does mean to end up with pure thoughts. But I have found it doesn’t mean to simply remove the impure or irrelevant thoughts; it means to evaluate them, and understand them, and challenge them, and ultimately channel them towards something wholesome and pure. Thought issues are heart issues, and the biblical and gospel solution is not behavior modification but deep soul work. Think purely by taking your thoughts captive and channeling them towards obedience after careful examination.

Think clearly. Thinking takes time. I promise you have it. If you don’t spend time in thought, your mind will feel like a pillowcase of Halloween candy or a bag of dead leaves in Autumn. Overstuffed, no organization, no rhyme or reason, only confusion. The human brain, and the human soul, is not meant to consume temporal information and experience like it is collecting coins or stamps, never to be used again. It is meant to reflect on information and experience in an orderly way and connect dots, experience emotion, and serve others in constructive ways. An unclear mind is like a fancy computer system that cannot run queries or output reports; just a mess of information that makes no sense and that no one has access to anyway. Be thoughtful, that is “full of thoughts”, but take the time to translate those thoughts into something clear and useful. This will not happen automatically. Trust me! Why do you think I am writing this post?? Reference the brain regurgitating metaphor.

Think creativity. The ability to imagine is such a gift. I am going to be honest; if you have trouble or don’t enjoy the likes of Lord of the Rings, Chronicles of Narnia, Harry Potter, the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Star Wars, or other fantasy type stories (to use modern examples), I might gently challenge your healthy use of your God-given imagination. These types of stories, speaking from personal experience, unleash the imagination in a way that facilitates beautiful and constructive thought, which ultimately makes the true story of redemptive history revealed in the Bible and fulfilled in Jesus marvelous. I will rely on my British literary companions (and Tim Keller) here. They have so much to say on this matter, and it is GOLD.

Tolkien: "For creative Fantasy is founded upon the hard recognition that things are so in the world as appears under the sun; on a recognition of fact, but a slavery to it. So upon logic was founded the nonsense that displays itself in the tales and rhymes of Lewis Carroll. If men really could not distinguish between frogs and men, fairy-stories about frog-kings would not have arisen."

Chesterton: “Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed.”

Lewis: "I think it is possible that by confining your child to blameless stories of child life in which nothing at all alarming even happens, you would fail to banish the terrors and would succeed in banishing all that can ennoble them or make them endurable. For in the fairy tales, side by side with the terrible figures, we find the immemorial comforters and protectors, the radiant ones...It would be nice if no little boy in bed, hearing, or thinking the hears a sound, were ever at all frightened. But if he is going to be frightened, I think it better that he should think of giants and dragons than merely of burglars. And I think St. George, or any bright champion in armor, is a better comfort than the idea of the police."

Keller: "We love stories about victory snatched from the jaws of defeat. Or sacrificial heroism that brings life out of certain death. And we pay money to watch those kinds of movies, and we pay money to read about those stories...and modern people say life is not like that. But Tolkien points out that these are deep human longings. For some reason human beings in our day and time want the kind of stories that are very well told, that evoke secondary belief, that catch you up in them, that tell you that good will triumph over evil, that there is a supernatural world, that you're not stuck in time, that there is love without parting, that there is a way of escaping death; why would people still feel this way?...People know at the fact level that we're all going to die, that we will lose loved ones, or they will lose us. But underneath, all human beings feel that there shouldn't be death. Good should triumph over evil. This is how reality ought to be. This is why the stories that are popular are like fairy tales."

Think actively. Thinking should always lead to action of some kind, whether to pray, to apologize, to express love or praise, to serve, or just to continue in daily life with more joy in the Lord. The mind shouldn’t “wander”, unless it wanders towards something that is helpful to someone or glorifies God. I am lousy at this. A major sin area I am working on specifically in my marriage is passiveness in conversation and sanctification. God is calling me to and helping me be assertive. I need my thoughts to become words – of affirmation, of unguarded emotional processing – and actions, to serve others rather than settle in the false comfort of my own mind. That comfort is actually danger land.

Think purposefully. Limit daydreaming. Good thinking confirms and reveals the promises of God in Scripture fulfilled in Jesus. The Bible says we are being transformed by the renewing of our minds – purposeful thought. It also says we are being transferred from one degree of glory to another. Our thoughts, as part of our life, are taking us somewhere. Part of sanctification is growth in the “knowledge of the Lord”. It is progressive – albeit with valleys – but ultimately increasing. Let your thinking be part of that process, with the help of the Spirit.

Stop. Look. Think. Pay attention. But then what? The next post is about the second component relating to discerning the time: cultivate virtue.

Christians at Church Having Conversations

I had the chance to give a presentation at a forum at my church, and sit on a panel discussion, along with my wife and others. The topic was healthy conversations, and how to build a culture of conversation (among disagreement) in our local church, especially in light of the state of our culture, and in anticipation of what is likely to be an interesting 2020 in America. The following is more or less what I said.

I will admit I am very uncomfortable. I would much rather be having a conversation with each of you individually, over coffee, then giving a presentation about conversations, without coffee (as it happens). 

But! It is important. I take comfort in the fact that this is the way conversations have always happened. Not all conversations happen in one sitting. The good ones at least. We are all part of a “Great Conversation”, as literary scholars refer to it. Every book, article, lecture, panel discussion, small group meeting, book club, podcast, and casual conversation in a café or pub, is building upon former thoughts for greater clarity and understanding. Our contribution is not to have the final word, but to progress the dialogue and continue to learn and grow in the knowledge of the Lord, building upon generations of thought before us. So much of Scripture really helps us with this, and in the end, the goal is our sanctification and God’s glory.

I want to give you 3 words that I hope you can remember and apply as it relates to healthy conversations, each with a basic principle. 

First, speech; build others up with our speech.

Second, harmony; live in harmony despite differences.

Third, love; love by welcoming and bearing with, and not avoiding.

Conversation is not only ubiquitous but also essential to our flourishing as humans. Imagine for a second a reality where conversation didn’t exist. What if two-way dialogue with your family on the troubles of the day, or with your Uber driver on happenings in the city, or with your co-workers about daily controversy on social media, or with the Living God related to your deepest longings, was impossible? Think about the angst of thoughts unspoken or unaffirmed. Life always involves relationships, and relationships always include conversation. We wouldn’t function without conversation. Scripture shows that conversation is a key part of our Christian discipleship. It is not a random topic. And it inherently includes disagreement.

For whatever reason, I have had several opportunities over the years to disagree with other Christians.

-        In college a close friend suddenly revealed how he didn’t believe Jesus is God.

-        Before I was at College Park I went back and forth for MONTHS with a friend about what the nature of the church should look like; a “house church” model, or a formal gathering in a building with the preaching of the Word and the sacraments.

-        Our small group has carved out from our normal small group time something we call “theology nights”, where we allow extended time for study and healthy debate on matters that are disputable but still important for us as Christians. It has been great practice to learn how to disagree well. Some of my favorite topics have been entertainment, race and the gospel, and the gifts of the spirit.

-        Right now, I am in a book study with 3 other men which has allowed us to discuss issues of racial reconciliation. Not easy!

With God’s help I think I have come away with more empathy, wisdom, and understanding of who Jesus is. And I have enjoyed the experience. There is a sweet and supernatural experience that occurs when you lovingly disagree within the context of ongoing fellowship with a brother or sister in Christ. I want that for our church! It is possible and it is worth seeking and ultimately, it is necessary to fulfill God’s will for his church and his children. So, using our 3 words, here are some practical principles of what a healthy culture of conversation could look like:

SPEECH

First, speech. How do you speak to others when they say something you disagree with? What words and tone do you use? What is the attitude and motive in your response? Much of Scripture would be virtually unintelligible if conversation didn’t exist, and so it would be foolishness to ignore the passages that one way or another encourage healthy conversation. To truly obey much of what the Bible commands us, it would be impossible to avoid disagreement and conversation about disputable matters – even within the same local church – because it would require lack of fellowship.

General Principle: Build others up with your speech.

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” – Proverbs 12:18

“Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.” – Proverbs 12:25

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1

“The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” – Proverbs 15:4

“So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbringing.” - Romans 14:9

What does this mean for us practically? How do we do this?

Specific Principle: Practice discernment and be sensitive to temperament.

You’ve heard this before said differently: be quick to listen, slow to speak; always assume the best; weep with those who weep; be characterized by empathy more than passion. But the connection between discernment and temperament is worth highlighting.

Proverbs 26:4-5 says, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes.” Which is it? Always avoid engagement or always be attracted to debate? The lesson is to pay attention to your temperament, and use discernment, and have courage to go against our temperament when appropriate.

In other words, sometimes you shouldn’t engage when you feel like you should, and other times you should engage when you normally wouldn’t. The key is to use wisdom and courage in your speech, and to always build others up.

HARMONY

Next, harmony. Disagreement inevitably exists because we are sinful people who are very different, and we are having all these conversations all the time. But, harmony is a category in our reality and a very high priority of our God. It is not an unrealistic goal; it is a real promise. And it implies difference. It’s not harmony in music when its one voice only or two voices of the same tone. God knew we would be different, he knew we would disagree, and he encourages us to seek this with great energy because harmony among differences is his design and promise.

General Principle: Live in harmony despite differences.

Paul says it this way in Romans 15:

“May the God of endurance and encouragement grant that you live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” – Romans 15:5-7

Paul offers this after a lengthy discourse on helping Jews and Gentiles, and those weak and strong in faith, to live in harmony despite sometime profound differences.

How do we do this, perhaps in a situation where it doesn’t seem like there are many differences?

Specific Principle: Embrace cultural and ethnic differences.

Differences are there. If it doesn’t seem like there are many differences within your community it means you aren’t having many conversations. Tim Keller points out in a sermon on Romans 14-15 that underneath many disagreements about disputable matters – whether theological, philosophical, ethical, political – are cultural differences. In all the talk about eating, and Sabbath, and holy days, what was one common denominator among the people who differed in Rome and Corinth? Cultural and ethnic differences! Jews and Gentiles!

Keller applies this by explaining that based on your cultural background and experience, you may be particularly wise as to gospel implications in some situations and particularly foolish or naïve in others. He says – don’t miss this – the more homogeneous a church is the more likely it is to have enormous blind spots. Let that sink in for a second. We need cultural diversity to more clearly see Jesus and see the gospel! The bringing together of Jew and Gentile and instructing them to work through differences and welcome each other, was a profound grace of God in the early church and can and should be today for us as well, if we would embrace it. All for the purpose of seeing and knowing Jesus more clearly!

LOVE

Finally, love. The command to love others is everywhere in the Bible. Of interest for us I think is the kind of love, in difficult conversations, that welcomes each other, and bears with one another.

General Principle: Love by welcoming and bearing with, not avoiding.

Romans 14:1-3 --- “As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him.”

Colossians 3:12-14 --- “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all else put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

What are we to do with this?

Specific Principle: No opinion or preference should be off-limits for conversation.

This is true especially within the category of what the Bible calls “disputable matters”. What does it mean to welcome one another, yet not quarrel over opinions? Surely it doesn’t mean avoid disagreement, because that would mean avoiding conversation, which would mean avoiding relationship, which would not be welcoming. Welcoming and bearing with implies engaging with disagreement in a loving way.

Each local church may define what are “disputable matters”, based on their context and what is already considered essential to membership. But in general, as Jonathan Leeman says, disputable matters usually include things that don’t affect salvation or the organization of a local congregation. For us, we have a membership covenant and statement of faith, which lays out what we believe is essential. We also as Elders are working on defining “theological distinctives”, which would communicate what is not essential to membership but represents the flavor of our church and will be visible in preaching, teaching, and general ministry. After that there will always be non-essential, yet still important, beliefs, practices, or preferences. Here is a possible list of disputable matters for us (brace yourself!): politics, dating, education, alcohol use, movies, tattoos, gambling, fertility treatment, climate change, social justice. Breathe. Everyone good?

Part of the purpose of this forum is to help us not ignore but embrace conversation on these disputable matters. There is a risk here. To some, this will always seem divisive or uninteresting. To others, this will seem more important than even preaching the gospel. What we believe should be sought is a healthy balance so that we remain gospel and Christ-centered, with the Bible as our first and final authority, yet also not within a superficial fellowship. Legitimate disagreements should not be ignored and should be a tool to contribute to our discipleship.

G.K. Chesterton famously said, “I never discuss anything except politics and religion. There is nothing else to discuss”. Imagine Chesterton at your Thanksgiving dinner table, or on social media! Or… next to you after the service ends. As fellow believers, who are eternally united by the gospel and the blood of Jesus, nothing should prevent us from sharing our thoughts on a topic, with complete assurance that a biblical “conversation” would be welcomed, even in disagreement. Healthy conversation among disagreement is perhaps one of the most tangible ways we can show to the world how we love each other.

A last suggestion I was going to give is to not seek closure prematurely. Most disputable matters have been disputable for centuries, maybe longer. It is often unhelpful to dismiss the conversation too early and cut-off further healthy dialogue. Better to offer a “to be continued”! Which is what I must do now, because this is has been too long!

What Time Is It?

My word for the year is TIME. My question for the year, then, is "what time is it?" As I said in a previous post, this question will not be answered simply in numbers, or by some otherwise arbitrary accounting for where and when we are in the universe. Instead, it will be answered by a focus and courage and humility to live in the moment, and love, serve, think, and act in such a way that might, God willing, bring more hope and more Jesus to bear in our crazy world.

A big part of answering this question becomes very practical and relates to how we prioritize. When I think about how to prioritize my time, my activities, my energy, or my resources, I think about it in categories. To be honest, I tend to think of almost everything in categories. I am a sucker for the 2-3 point sermon; if you are a preacher and you don't outline your sermon in 2-3 points, that is ok, I will process it that way no matter what!

VISION FOR PRIORITIZATION

Ecclesiastes 3 gives us what I think is a helpful vision for prioritization. It begins:

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.

I'll stop there for a moment. Do you know what that sentence means? One thing I think it could mean is you will get to everything you need to get to in God's sovereignty. Nothing will be left undone that needs to be done. Right away this helps us relax a bit. My ability to prioritize my life, dare I say "be productive", depends first on my surrendering to the reality that my life is short, God is sovereign and, ultimately, he holds all of my life in his hands, and nothing of significance or necessity will miss its "season". The author of Ecclesiastes continues:

A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

What these verses say to me is that every day, every week, every month, every year, and every decade is different. That means that our approach to "prioritizing" our life will look different in every season, and this gives us both flexibility and expectation. The vision for prioritization from the Bible, then, is to take a seasonal approach to our life and activities. This helps so much with expectations. You may not love the season you are in right now. But what time is it? Is it time to casually read a book or play golf with friends, or is it time to die to self and spend quality time with and serve your family? Is it time to laugh, or is it a time to weep?

FOUNDATION FOR PRIORITIZATION

With that vision in mind, we need a foundation, and the Bible does not disappoint. Jesus does not disappoint. He says in Matthew 6:33:

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

My first reaction to this verse, because of my sinful heart, and even though I know the verses prior, is "what things, Lord? Tell me about the things I will get back? Give me all the things!" Jesus then looks at me with a disappointed smile and reminds me of the verses prior: do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, or what you will wear. Clothes and food sound a lot to me like life's priorities. Do not be anxious about where you will live, or whom you will marry, or where you will work, or what you will have for lunch (this last one is particularly hard for me). Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness. Do not be anxious about how you will schedule your weeknights, or whether your son and daughter will play soccer or baseball, or do dance or theater, or what school they should go to. Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Now, surely you know this does not mean do not think about these things and expect the answers to come automatically. There is wisdom and discernment needed, and it all comes from Jesus, and unfortunately that will have to be a separate blog post. But the foundation for prioritization from the Bible is to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, in every season, no matter the circumstances. What does this look like practically? I have a few ideas.

PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS

First, prioritize faithfulness always, and fruitfulness seasonally. This idea was groundbreaking for me and came from the book The Gospel at Work by Greg Gilbert and Sebastian Traeger. I have often "ranked" my priorities as God, Family, Work, and Church; my relationship with God first, my relationship with my wife and daughter second, my responsibilities in my profession and calling third, and my participation and service at my local church fourth. This always seemed like an easy, straight forward way to prioritize and make decisions about activities and such. Until something semi-urgent in priority three came at the same time as something extra-urgent in priority four. Using this ranking system, what do you do when a crisis at work runs up against a normally stressful day at home? How do you choose? Is it always the higher priority "ranking" that takes precedent?

The faithfulness and fruitfulness balance helps alleviate this conflict. We are called to be faithful in all areas of life, in every season, but God may call us in certain seasons to dedicate extra capacity or energy to one specific area to be extra fruitful. There is a minimum standard of faithfulness in every arena of life, and by "minimum" I do not mean small; the "minimum" standard in marriage for the husband is to love your wife as Christ loved the Church and DIED for her. Some minimum! In every arena we should avoid idleness. But sometimes there is a place to invest in being extra fruitful in certain arenas for certain seasons. For example, as much as I resist this because I would not choose it, I believe God is calling me to pursue extra fruitfulness in my professional life right now. Yet, I have only been married for seven years and have so much to learn and so many areas to grow in loving my wife, and I have a new daughter, and I serve as an Elder at my local church, so marriage, fatherhood, and service to the church can not fall below faithfulness in this season. But all of those areas may not require additional fruitfulness for this season. The opposite ditch to avoid of course in this approach is idolatry. I don't want to be idle in my spiritual life, home life, or church life, but I also don't want to become idolatrous in my work life. "Faithfulness, then fruitfulness, avoid idolatry," says Gilbert and Traeger.

Second, prioritize 8pm to Midnight. This idea came to me from Kevin DeYoung's helpful little book Crazy Busy. We talk a lot about prioritizing the morning hours, or even through the day about which times we feel most energetic and productive (some people are morning people, some people thrive in the afternoons). But think about the missed opportunities if we squander the hours from 8pm to Midnight. This concept depends so much on your season, but think about the opportunity in this window of time to focus on and grow intimacy in your marriage; emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Maybe you have older kids; think about the opportunity in this time frame to spend quality time with your kids, maybe reading or helping with homework, or watching a game and teaching them about box scores, or just hanging out. Think about the opportunity for relaxed and meaningful reading in the quiet hours. Think about the opportunity for non-distracted work activities, if you are in a season of extra responsibility professionally. Think about the opportunity for dessert or fellowship with friends or neighbors who you don't get to see very often, and maybe need encouragement the ministry of presence.

Think about this. I have a novel idea. What if you spent half or more of the minutes between 8pm and Midnight SLEEPING? Do you ever wonder when the saints of old, or the productivity gurus of today, who talk about getting started at 4am or so, went to bed at night? It was not Midnight, I assure you. Get some sleep! Depending on the season, going to bed at 8pm or so is a brilliant and godly decision.

Third, prioritize relationships over results. As you prioritize, developing and deepening relationships with people should be more important than results from completed responsibilities. We should be, we must be, content with lack of productivity in this life. Two books have been instrumental in my growth in this area, which by the grace of God started at a point of obsession with productivity and is arriving closer at this mysterious contentment, which actually makes us way more "productive" in the economy of Scripture and the kingdom of God.

The first one is Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, by Dr. Richard Swenson. This book makes a convincing argument that the age we live in (it was written in 2004) makes us more susceptible to overload than at any other place or time in history. The example that is most memorable to me is that one daily edition of The New York Times contains more information than a Engishman of the 18th Century would have been exposed to in a lifetime. If that is true, it stands to reason we need to be vert intentional about combating this risk of overload with margin. The book goes on to help us think through practical ways - or "prescriptions" - to build margin into our lives, and to do so for the primary purpose to have space to be in relationship with others. The goal is not to build margin to get more done; that is the "myth of progress", according to Swenson; it will only lead to more overload. The goal is to build margin for relationships, and see the transforming freedom and joy (albeit maybe lack of results) change communities and people.

The second book is What's Best Next: How the Gospel Transforms the Way You Get Things Done, by Matt Perman. This is perhaps the most unique and practical book I have ever read. It combines theological wisdom with time management best practices in a brilliant symphony. Among other things, it helped me realize that all "work" is service to people, so when we consider the concept of "getting things done", whether it applies to my to-do list at the office, or in church ministry, or at home with my family, it all should be centered on serving others. Do "all things" to the glory of God, says the Apostle Paul, and know that your labor is not in vain.

Fourth, prioritize gratitude over obligation. This idea came from Hannah Anderson, author of All That's Good: Recovering the Lost Art of Discernment. I heard it on the Mere Fidelity podcast where she was the guest discussing this book. The concept is that we should choose our activities (or priorities) out of gratitude rather than obligation. Instead of thinking through all the things we have to do, we should stop and express gratitude to God for all the things we get to do in the first place, and then out of that gratitude we lean in to what God has for us, discerning His will as best we can with Scripture as our guide, and trusting his sovereignty in our decisions made with that posture. If we choose out of gratitude, we will face all activities with joy, humility, and patience. If we choose out of obligation, we will face our activities with a burden of responsibility and even guilt, and ultimately our approach will probably be selfish in nature. That certainly has been my experience. Also, if we approach our priorities out of gratitude rather than obligation, it may actually help us discern between those things that God has created us or is calling us to do, and those that may either not be necessary or not be helpful. Something to consider.

What time is it for you?